January 4th I went for an ultrasound to get a due date and status on our little one. I hadn't been feeling right and was concerned, even though we were told not to worry, that the hemorrhage wouldn't resolve itself. Sure enough we got bad news. I had miscarried. On a scale of 1-10 I can't even describe the grief I felt. Alex was on his way home from West Texas after a job and I had to deliver the news to him over the phone. My heart broke. I can't even imagine getting that phone call and having to drive the 3 hours home.
After talking with the doctor about my options we decided to give a little pill called Cytotec, or as my dear friend refers to it "the pill from Hell," a chance to help my body pass the baby at home. That was seriously the longest 3 days of my life. We anxiously waited and to no avail. The pill didn't work. It was supposed to have worked in 12 hours! I think Alex and I both knew that it wouldn't work. My body isn't like most. I have never labored or dialated so I called and scheduled the dreaded D&C. To be honest I would opt for this every time. It was a painless procedure and I was home the same day.
The emotional toll a miscarriage takes on you is no joke. I admire you ladies that have had multiple! It has made me so nervous to even consider getting pregnant again. I didn't think it would effect me like it did.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Alex and I both lost our grandmas in March. Alex's grandma passed away and we had decided to have him fly up for the funeral. After talking with my dad however, Alex and I felt it best if we went as a family. My grandma had been diagnosed with cancer the previous June and had just finished up her last round of chemo in January when the doctor told them that it had spread. She hadn't been doing well and we just felt it would be smart to go home so I could see her before she passed.
We had Grandma Taylor's funeral on Wednesday. It was such a nice service and the weather was perfect. She was such an amazing woman and we all miss her dearly. We had just walked into my mother in laws home when I got a phone call saying my grandma had passed and to please come to Rexburg. Death is not easy and we have experienced our fair share but it was nice to be able to say goodbye to my grandma. My heart broke for my grandpa, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, when he told the love of his life he would be seeing her soon.
All in all, our trip home in March was nice. We got to spend quality time with family members on both sides and to have all of my cousins home at one time was amazing. We hadn't all been together in almost 14 years!
So, yes, our beginning to 2017 sucked but we have been so blessed and felt His love. We have the plan of salvation and even though we didn't get to bring another little one into this world we will get the chance to raise it in the next. We will be able to see all of those we have lost again and that is a comfort to the soul. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and couldn't imagine my life without the gospel in it.
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